bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
