Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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