Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
