your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
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Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
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I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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