There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
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We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
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you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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