hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
