goodnight i made you a song goodbye
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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