I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
