Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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