I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
