we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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