There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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