I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
