maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
