I have demons in me.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
