I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm at about main and main street
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
