my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
