how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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