I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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