3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My ATM looks so different sober.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I currently don't understand fingers.
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