I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
