I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
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Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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