At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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