You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
