I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
