ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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