Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
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There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
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Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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