R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
