The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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