we're blogging at a bar
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
