how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
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