so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
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By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
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Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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