I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
