You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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