not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
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we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
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Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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