the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
