i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
