yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
