I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
