No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
