My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
