I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?