Texts From Last Night

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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.

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  (978): I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb. http://tfl.nu/h3os
  Replies (4) Good night (4114) Bad night (770)
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  (530): View more from California

  It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan

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  (530): It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan http://tfl.nu/v151
  Replies (29) Good night (5250) Bad night (1055)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.

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  (314): I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light. http://tfl.nu/psre
  Replies (19) Good night (3897) Bad night (1047)
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  (209): View more from California

  His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.

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  (209): His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants. http://tfl.nu/6g5r
  Replies (15) Good night (1243) Bad night (6663)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could

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  (908): you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could http://tfl.nu/ea9t
  Replies (4) Good night (3474) Bad night (1290)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.

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  (815): just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays. http://tfl.nu/2pfb
  Replies (7) Good night (2480) Bad night (789)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  The strip club called, they have your shoe.

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  (910): The strip club called, they have your shoe. http://tfl.nu/kbp6
  Replies (13) Good night (3887) Bad night (939)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.

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  (919): No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you. http://tfl.nu/9kp9
  Replies (4) Good night (2880) Bad night (1074)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.

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  (228): Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis. http://tfl.nu/q40e
  Replies (15) Good night (5182) Bad night (990)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?

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  (410): My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night? http://tfl.nu/txqd
  Replies (1) Good night (1021) Bad night (922)
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  (718): View more from New York

  So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.

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  (718): So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you. http://tfl.nu/to2r
  Replies (3) Good night (1287) Bad night (403)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.

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  (612): Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted. (218): And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face. http://tfl.nu/e0j5
  Replies (2) Good night (906) Bad night (428)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out

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  (770): I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out http://tfl.nu/sd3d
  Replies (0) Good night (504) Bad night (352)
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  (714): View more from California

  I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.

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  (714): I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to. http://tfl.nu/hc6h
  Replies (1) Good night (293) Bad night (542)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.

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  (308): Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts. http://tfl.nu/4na0
  Replies (0) Good night (593) Bad night (172)

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