Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.