Texts From Last Night

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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.

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  (484): In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas. http://tfl.nu/7vr2
  Replies (11) Good night (3430) Bad night (1429)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.

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  (847): No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv. http://tfl.nu/ej96
  Replies (38) Good night (1909) Bad night (4289)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?

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  (631): Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them? http://tfl.nu/t23p
  Replies (24) Good night (755) Bad night (5722)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.

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  (580): Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me. http://tfl.nu/8lxk
  Replies (10) Good night (2443) Bad night (1347)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.

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  (612): Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes. http://tfl.nu/p3u3
  Replies (3) Good night (2727) Bad night (934)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.

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  (231): I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk. http://tfl.nu/qjr2
  Replies (4) Good night (2216) Bad night (1112)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  ttyl tear gas

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  (604): ttyl tear gas http://tfl.nu/bmdg
  Replies (13) Good night (1214) Bad night (2594)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.

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  (918): i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome. http://tfl.nu/yiek
  Replies (8) Good night (1106) Bad night (2239)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.

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  (248): I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose. http://tfl.nu/jv76
  Replies (7) Good night (1841) Bad night (829)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.

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  (785): They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though. http://tfl.nu/ta81
  Replies (2) Good night (1409) Bad night (540)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.

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  (937): she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality. http://tfl.nu/ox7x
  Replies (2) Good night (1047) Bad night (366)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...

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  (508): You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes... http://tfl.nu/do6f
  Replies (1) Good night (903) Bad night (468)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.

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  (204): NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees. http://tfl.nu/cysh
  Replies (1) Good night (612) Bad night (426)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole

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  (913): Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole http://tfl.nu/jf5e
  Replies (2) Good night (424) Bad night (629)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.

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  (757): I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me. http://tfl.nu/xol6
  Replies (3) Good night (334) Bad night (395)

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