Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(940): View more from Texas

I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls

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(630): View more from Illinois

You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".

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(765): View more from Indiana

He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(608): View more from Wisconsin

She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.

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(406): View more from Montana

She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.

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(416): View more from Toronto

So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.

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(805): View more from California

I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.

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