My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?