is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
