I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.