Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
