so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
