You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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