just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
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Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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