You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
