you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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