is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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