Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
