im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Randomize
