dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
