history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
