good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he was CRYING into my vagina
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
