Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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