they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
