He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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