Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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